Commitment in Relationships

Commitment in Relationships

Posted by Coach Jeremy, With 0 Comments, Category: Being Present, Blog, Clarity, Commitment, Health, Love & Compassion, Relationships, Tags: , , , , , , ,

Are you happy with the current state of your relationships? Are any in particular causing you turmoil? Often we become entangled in non-mutual relationships—one party is not as giving, respectful, caring, regarding, loving, and/or committed as the other, and this imbalance causes drama and trauma. Perhaps it's time to create boundaries and make changes in the dynamics of the relationships that don't seem to be going smoothly.

Instead of being consistently hurt or disappointed by those who are not as committed—and perhaps making the other person feel not good enough for failing to live up to your expectations and standards—why not drop the expectations, which they cannot live up to, and decide, without judgment or resentment, whether or not you want them AS IS? Expectations are a tricky and often damaging component of a relationship. What we are really looking for is not for someone to live up to expectations, but rather to know that we can TRUST that person. We want to trust that he or she will be there when we need them, that they are as committed and caring toward us as we are to them. If commitments are broken or your feelings are disregarded, then trust is broken; and without trust, relationships get caught up in demands, threats, expectations, disappointments, and ultimately demise.

Be present and attentive to someone's capabilities in the present. If you accept them as they are, and trust in how they show up (instead of expecting how you would like them to show up), then you can get clear on whether having this person in your life, and to what extent, is healthy. Do whatever is necessary to create boundaries with problem people based on how much contact you want with them. Remember, the most difficult people are often our greatest teachers; but we also must know when and where to draw lines to keep our own self-care a priority.

There are two important terms that you might want to consider living by: "My emotional health comes first" and "I will treat myself with care and compassion." If you live by those terms, then you must be in relationships that align with being nice to yourself. Engaging, arguing, or fighting with people who are not as caring or committed as you are is not being nice to yourself or to them. So stop! Stop expecting so much. Start trusting what you can see based on their actions. Be willing to risk the relationship for your own emotional health. Create boundaries, and live by your terms for self-care. Put your emotional health first! Then the right people will end up in your life, and the wrong ones will filter out or exist in the background, without so many expectations placed on them and where you won't allow them to cause you so many headaches.

"I deserve love, care, and commitment."
(From others and from my self)

Photo courtesy of Geek Philosopher.

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